Most of my immediate friends and co-workers are not mothers. I have a few that are currently in the mental baby making space so they will often ask me childbirth and mommy questions. When answering these questions honestly, I get a shocked face like geez Phnewfula why would I want to go through all of that?!?!?! At that moment I realized I might need to sugar coat the truth just a little lol. I also get lots of questions from other moms about our lifestyle choices. Those are always interesting because they can be slightly judgemental which is fine because I will give you a judgemental answer back:-)
Here are a few of the actual questions I get:
Q: What do contractions feel like?
A: They feel like someone is ripping your stomach apart
realization: even tho this is true, it’s not nice to say and might scare some mothers who haven’t had children yet. This is a bad Phnewfula answer.
Q: How do you handle balancing being a mom with work, and travel, and everything else you have going on?!
A: I don’t. My life is out of control at all times. When I have to leave to go on the road I bounce between feeling like a horrible mom for leaving my child or being happy that I’ve left my child and I can sleep past 7:30am or feeling lame that I am actually in a club that I don’t want to be in trying to twerk a lil something so I still feel relevant.
realization: This is pretty spot on so no changes here. I do need to give a disclaimer that I am in the club for work, never voluntary:-)
Q: Is it fun having a boy?
A: 76% of the time yes! I love my son and I could not imagine having a girl first. Boys are the best; until, they intentionally pee on the living room floor, or throw legos at you, or you realize you know have to deal with another person obsessed with their penis, or until you have suffered your 5th busted lip at the hands of your toddler, or your realize that 5 year old gas smells like grown man gas, or before you come to the understanding that a run and tackle is equivalent to “mom, i missed you today”. Once you get all that down and realize that code words like “testosterone” and “energy” basically mean you will need advil at the end of the night you’ll love being the mom of a boy!
realization: this is again all factual and quite sugar coated enough. no changes needed here!
Q: Why won’t you let your child eat the good stuff? He is going to be picked on by the other kids.
A: My son does eat good stuff. If by good stuff you mean the bull***t that you feed your children? No thank you. We do our best to stay away from artificial colors, and flavors. He eats fruits and vegetables because they taste good and they are healthy for him. He chooses to eat a variety of foods because that is what he was raised on. He prefers Indian food over macaroni and cheese. He prefers broccoli over french fries. He is not allowed to eat fast food (except chick-fil-a, it’s an addition I can’t shake). So while you are worried about my child being picked on, I would worry about YOUR child tipping the scale!
realization: I should just not answer these question because they send me on a rant. I really dislike when people try to make me feel bad for making better choices for my child. I don’t make them feel bad for feeding their children neon blue gelatinous “fruit” chews! (Unless provoked:-))
I think by now people know when they ask me questions they will get my version of the truth. that’s what they signed up for. That’s what they get! Or, I could just work on my filter…..